08 Dec

Forty-two years ago a seed was planted.  This very seed developed, grew, and within nine months in gestation, was born to the mighty big world outside of the comforting safe Mother womb.  The seed I'm talking about is me.  Life had a plan for me to be part of this beautiful planet we call Earth.  I was "home grown" and raised on a very rooted farm in the realms of a generational apple grower family, amongst many other fruits and vegetables.  Childhood consisted of spectacular bliss compared to the later years I'd encounter down the line on the journey in life.  We played outdoors like kids need in order to grow healthy and be immersed amongst our best playground offered in Mother Nature.  There was an innocence found in all the wild elements that had profound effects on us allowing us to explore where our imaginations and curiosities naturally lead us to.  To top the ideal years, our parents were very open to having assortments of animals where we learned responsibility, spent lots of time outdoors with them, and they, too, were just as therapeutic beyond what we even knew at the time for our souls.  Life was great!  There was a close circle of family, friends, and a community where support could always be found as well as true belonging.

The older I became, family life was less, and school, work, and boys became more.  The uncontrollable teenage years were filled with desirable self- discoveries and explorations not necessarily always so good, but neither too bad;). By the time I was in college , my parents were separating and life seemed to divide like a strong earthquake splits mountains.  Life took a turn for the worse when they choose to go in two different directions, and it felt like I was trapped in a snow globe turned upside down instantly and shook vigorously with no where to escape the horrible change.  The only remaining individual that stood by my side through this all was my wonderful, compassionate boyfriend who was my everything.  He was my best friend and would do absolutely anything for me out of true love.  He was my connection to love and emotional support needed through such times, but by junior year in college something changed very quickly inside of me.  I felt the need to get away, to go explore the world like I did when I was a child, to go be distracted from such immense pain, and find the meaning of freedom like back in the golden young days.  I took the opportunity to go study abroad in Costa Rica and Spain during that year for two consecutive semesters.

I bet you can imagine what happened with my 5 in a half years relationship living away in foreign countries for over 8 months.  I grew, experienced, learned, and changed beyond words.  The two semesters were life alternating.  I developed a burn to feel "alive" every single day and these international places showed me how much more there was out there in the gigantic world to see and feel compared to staying in my small hometown.  Nine days after returning from the second semester abroad in Spain, I jumped back on and plane and returned to Costa Rica.  This place stole my heart and I was madly in love with life there.  The country was magical and experiences priceless.  There was no plan needed but to reside, work, and live my best fullest life there, and that was good enough.

Fast forward 15 years of living abroad, having two beautiful children, and endless precious moments, when all of a sudden it comes to a brutal end.  Yes, like the snap of your fingers, it was over, done, gone, lost.  Turned out, life had different plans and seeds to plant for me.  It wasn't just me, I was now a "we" with two young girls to single mother and try to heal from too many traumatic years stuck in a very unhealthy relationship. The rug was ripped right out from under my feet, and all the slow progressive trauma and it’s events took years to face in all of the discomforts of making changes and moving positively forward.  Just like Dorothy clicked her red shoes three times, I landed back in my small hometown, shattered at ground zero with two kids, a domestic violence survivor.

I had not much choice but to enter the grind back in the USA to stay above water and do my best for the children as a single mother.  Luckily, we had the support surrounding us to get through the changes and resume a new "normal", whatever that is.  Fours years into life back "home", I became very uneasy, questioning my existence and where I was going.  I felt often angry, not satisfied, and very full of self doubt.  I came to the conclusion I needed to start to heal my past traumas.  I turned to yoga which was the very thing that I turned to in all those years of suffering.  It brought me temporary peace, comfort, choice, and safety.  I longed for the storm inside of me to calm down and yearned for an understanding as to why I felt the way I did for so long.  The fear and anger needed an outlet.  I found my connection with self and other beautiful souls over the course of becoming 500 RYT certified over the next 2 years.  Life became raw and lots of dirt surfaced.  Ask my husband how healing isn't easy- especially for those that are most dear and closest to the ones on the healing journey from trauma.

This year marks seven years back and I am STILL recovering, turning dirt into soil, healing wounds, patterns, and discomforts.  You might be asking yourself why do I tell you my story in a nutshell...?  Well, for all the time I have been back the "real" question has been, "what am I doing with my life?  What fills me with passion and how can I better this world in my own unique way?  Life obviously planted me for a reason so what is my purpose?"  Yes, at 42 years old, I'm still asking, but now am on a path to discovering through taking action and sharing this vulnerable story with others. If it can help inspire just one soul to take one step towards living a healthier safe life, turning trauma into triumph, I’ve made a difference.  I desire to find a lifestyle best fit for growing and raising my dear 3 daughters, continue to be a supportive loving wife to my husband, family, friends, and all those hard working farmers, to continue my healing journey, and to also serve not only our local communities, but our Planet, as well.

I longed, prayed, meditated on all of this for years and it finally surfaced!  I crave connection and belonging, but also an authenticity, a place for peace, engagement, enjoyment, and creativity.  A place to go to be heard or seen or just to BE for moments.  There's no better place than in Mother Nature where life itself is one of our best teachers.  This is my calling...to create a space for you and us together.  This is the seed of Frida Sage Flower Farm germinating into beauty and healing, where dirt can be transformed into soil, and flowers become experiences.  This place is where you can find belonging, connection, enjoyment, and the present moment to simply be.  This is the seed life desires me to plant by welcoming you to be a part of my journey, on this farm, to feed your soul with the legacy of flowers and all the happiness and empowerment they can bring.

A great shout of thanks to @courtdehoff being such the #fancyladycowgirl who inspired me to step up and start my 365 days of challenge by empowering myself first and finally putting on the big girl pants to share this with the world …all it takes is one move<3

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